Take a breath. Being served divorce papers is jarring, but nothing about your case is decided today, and nothing in those papers means your spouse has an advantage because they filed first. What matters now is the next two weeks: you are already bound by court orders you may not know about, you have a deadline to respond, and the early moves you make (or avoid) will shape the entire case.
I am Rich Rochlin, principal attorney at Rich Rochlin Law Group, LLC, a family law firm based in West Hartford serving Hartford County, New Haven County, and clients throughout Connecticut. Here is exactly what to do, in order.
1. Read the Automatic Orders. You Are Already Bound By Them.
Inside the packet you were handed is a form called the Notice of Automatic Court Orders (JD-FM-158). These are real court orders, effective against you the moment you were served, no judge required. Among other things, they prohibit both spouses from emptying or hiding assets, selling or mortgaging property outside the ordinary course, changing the beneficiaries on life insurance, removing a spouse or children from health insurance, taking on unusual debt, and permanently relocating the children out of Connecticut.
Violating the automatic orders is the most common early mistake we see, and it is costly. Judges remember it, and it colors everything that follows. Before you move money, change a policy, or make any significant financial decision, read JD-FM-158 or ask a lawyer.
2. Note Your Return Date and File an Appearance.
The summons lists a return date, always a Tuesday, usually a few weeks out. Nobody goes to court that day, but deadlines run from it. You must file an Appearance (JD-CL-12) with the court, on your own behalf or through an attorney, promptly after the return date. Filing an appearance does not mean you agree with anything in the complaint. It simply means you are participating. If you do nothing, the case can proceed without you, and your spouse can eventually obtain a divorce on their terms by default. Do not let that happen.
3. Do Not Sign Anything Yet.
Sometimes a spouse serves papers with a proposed agreement attached and pressure to sign quickly, before lawyers get involved. Whatever the relationship dynamics, do not sign a separation agreement, a waiver, or anything else until someone representing only your interests has reviewed it. Agreements signed in the first emotional days are the ones people spend years trying to undo.
4. Gather Your Financial Documents Now.
Both spouses will be required to exchange sworn financial affidavits early in the case: income, expenses, assets, and debts. Start assembling tax returns for the last three years, recent pay stubs, bank and retirement account statements, mortgage and loan documents, and credit card statements. Two reasons to do this immediately. First, your affidavit must be accurate, and accuracy takes documentation. Second, documents have a way of becoming harder to access as a divorce progresses.
5. Protect Your Communications and Change Your Passwords.
Set up a private email account your spouse has never had access to, change the passwords on your personal accounts, and turn off shared location and device syncing. Do not, under any circumstances, log into your spouse’s accounts or read their email, which can create legal problems of its own. And assume anything you write in a text or email could be read aloud in a courtroom, because in contested cases it often is.
6. Be Careful and Steady With the Children.
If you have children, the parent you are in the first months of the case is the parent the court will see. Keep routines stable, do not discuss the divorce or the other parent negatively with the children, and do not use the children as messengers. Connecticut courts decide custody on the best interests of the child, and one factor they weigh heavily is each parent’s willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent. Start building that record on day one.
7. Talk to a Family Law Attorney Before Your First Court Event.
Your first real court event will be the Resolution Plan Date, typically 30 to 45 days after the return date, where a Family Relations Counselor screens your case and the court assigns it a track that shapes the pace and cost of everything that follows. Walking into that meeting prepared, with a complete financial affidavit and a clear position on the disputed issues, is a significant advantage. Walking in cold is not. Even if you ultimately handle parts of the case yourself, a consultation before the Resolution Plan Date is the highest-value hour you can spend.
What NOT to Do After Being Served
A short list that saves people from themselves: do not drain or move accounts, do not badmouth your spouse in writing or on social media, do not introduce the children to a new partner right now, do not quit your job or take a sudden pay cut, do not hide assets (they get found, and the penalty exceeds the asset), and do not ignore the case hoping it goes away.
Schedule a consultation by calling (860) 357-9158
Does It Matter That My Spouse Filed First?
Legally, very little. The plaintiff picks the timing and presents first at trial, but Connecticut is a no-fault state, filing first does not signal wrongdoing by you, and it creates no presumption about custody, support, or property. What matters is how well each side prepares from this point forward.
Get Answers Specific to Your Situation
Every case looks different once you get past the first week. Rich Rochlin Law Group, LLC represents spouses on the receiving end of divorce papers throughout Hartford County, New Haven County, and statewide, and we can usually tell you within one consultation what your realistic exposure and options look like.
Contact us at richrochlinlaw.com. If you were just served, sooner is genuinely better.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How long do I have to respond to divorce papers in Connecticut? You should file an Appearance (JD-CL-12) promptly after the return date listed on your summons. If you never appear, the case can proceed and be decided without you.
What are the automatic orders in a Connecticut divorce? Court orders (Form JD-FM-158) that bind both spouses as soon as the case starts, prohibiting asset transfers, beneficiary changes, insurance cancellations, unusual debt, and relocating the children out of state, among other things.
Do I have to move out if I am served divorce papers? No. Being served does not require either spouse to leave the home, and moving out can have strategic consequences for custody and finances. Get advice before making that decision.
Does the spouse who files for divorce first have an advantage in Connecticut? Not in any meaningful legal sense. Connecticut is a no-fault state, and filing first creates no presumption on custody, support, or property division.
What happens at the first court date after being served? Your first court event is typically the Resolution Plan Date, about 30 to 45 days after the return date, where a Family Relations Counselor screens the case and the court assigns it a track.
About the Author: Rich Rochlin is the principal attorney and managing partner of Rich Rochlin Law Group, LLC, a Connecticut family law firm located in West Hartford, Connecticut, serving Hartford County, the Farmington Valley, New Haven County, and clients statewide. The firm concentrates its practice in divorce, child custody, child support, alimony, and post-judgment family matters.
This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice or create an attorney-client relationship.
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